


In and With Weakness

by TR33G1RL



Series: call me broken | call me fixed | call me yours [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, M/M, Spoilers, Vague Mentions of Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24198316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TR33G1RL/pseuds/TR33G1RL
Summary: Apoo is beginning to realize his original feelings for Hawkins may be morphing into something different and deeper, but he's also realizing he may have already sabotaged himself.
Relationships: Basil Hawkins/Scratchmen Apoo
Series: call me broken | call me fixed | call me yours [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1489640
Kudos: 19





	In and With Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> It's probably not my best work and it's short, but it's done! Writer's block has been overcome! (I hope!)

It’s hard to see Hawkins’ ship through the dark of early morning as Kaido’s fleet sails towards its destination, but Apoo still looks for it. He strains his eyes as his lips purse into a thin line as he feels worry beginning to bubble up in his gut. But he shouldn’t be worried. Why should he be? He shouldn’t be. He has no reason to be.

But he already knew damn well why he is. 

Only an hour ago, Hawkins had come back from a solo mission looking… different. But not **just** different - he had looked  _ wrong. _ When Apoo had caught a glance of the Magician as Hawkins had reported to Kaido, he appeared to be a mere shadow of himself, if even that. His skin was far too pale, an almost sickly hue compared to what it had been when Apoo had last seen him. The shadows under his eyes had been worse than Apoo had ever seen them, deeper and darker than they had been when Hawkins had left, an ocean’s trench compared to the shadow of a hill against the ground. His entire body had been shaking, and though it was just faintly, Apoo had seen it and felt his own core shake in a similar fashion. 

Since when did Hawkins become this weak? Since when has  _ Apoo _ become so weak as to be affected by someone else’s weakness?

Apoo isn’t sure he knows the answer to the first question, but he already knows the answer to the second question for a fact. His feelings for Hawkins have been strong since he first heard of The Magician and they haven’t grown any weaker, despite Hawkins’ feelings being the opposite for him. Apoo tries to take comfort in the saying of ‘the line between hate and love being a thin one’, but Hawkins seems very stubborn on his side of the line, and Apoo knows he’s not going to budge from love to hatred, either. It’s truly a stalemate between the two, and that ‘thin line’ is proving to be an impenetrable wall rather than a taut string.

The quiet sounds of a door opening and closing catches Apoo’s attention enough that he snaps out of his thoughts. His eyes reflexively dart to look over Hawkins’ ship, and he finds that the captain of the Hawkins Pirates has emerged from his ship and is back onto the deck. However, he doesn’t look any better than he had when he had first returned a few hours earlier. Apoo can’t say that he looks worse, but it’s entirely possible since Apoo’s glasses, while they do help his eyesight, can’t help him see  _ that _ far. 

From where he’s standing, all he can see is the rough form of Hawkins’ figure moving slowly towards the front of his ship. Even though Apoo can’t see much, it’s obvious that Hawkins is still trembling with the exertion of climbing up the stairs while still holding his own body weight.

A sudden chord of worry winds its way around Apoo’s organs, squeezing them tightly as goosebumps rise on the back of his neck and down his spine. He has to take a few deep breaths and feel the movement of his ribcage around his lungs just to make sure that he’s still breathing. He’s seen Hawkins beaten, bruised, and beyond, but never has Hawkins looked like this.

Then Hawkins sits down at the front of his ship and Apoo can’t pretend he doesn’t see how the tarot reader partially falls into the movement. Apoo winces as he hears a distant grunt of discomfort, possibly even of pain, as Hawkins leans against the far wall of his ship. At the moment, Apoo isn’t sure he appreciates his well-trained, devil-fruit enhanced hearing because he can hear the shallow, labored the other pirate lets out as he settles himself on the ground.

The On-Air pirate catches himself moving closer to the edge of his own ship, the one that faces Hawkins’ ship. He wants to know what’s wrong, but he doesn’t want to know what’s wrong if it’s something  _ bad,  _ if it’s something that actually  _ matters _ , if it’s something that could be  _ important _ and  _ change things. _ He reaches up to slip his headphones off, but he doesn’t. He can’t explain why (he can, but doesn’t want to), but he doesn’t want to hear Hawkins’ struggling anymore.

He leans his elbows on his ship’s railing, his lips pulled into a frown that Apoo has to force not to be a concerned grimace, as he pulls his headphones down from over his ears, letting them rest around his neck.  _ ‘Strange,’  _ Apoo thinks somewhere in the back of his mind, the thought playing like background noise as he watches Hawkins’ troubled form,  _ ‘My headphones feel like nothing when they’re over my ears, but they’re so heavy when they’re just around my neck. I guess I’m just not used to it.’ _ Apoo can pretend that he doesn’t know the truth. He’s a good actor. Now if only he could believe his own performance.

Hawkins’ head falls back and Apoo can hear the Magician’s head hit against the wood of his ship as his eyes turn to the sky as if Hawkins is searching the fading starlight for an answer as to why he’s found himself and his life in this position. Apoo even begins to think that he'll ask one when he sees the faint shape of Hawkins' mouth open. But, when his lips move, the only sound that escapes is a rough gasp of what Apoo can tell is supposed to be a swear, but is instead a roughly slurred mess of syllables. Somehow, the messy exhalation sounds like Hawkins is speaking a long forgotten language, something time itself forgot. Though, that may just be because Apoo has never seen Hawkins like  _ this, _ has no situation he can even begin to compare  _ this _ to.

A hitch in Hawkins’ ragged breathing is followed by a strangled gasp that sounds more like the hiss of a dying snake. Apoo wishes he could stop listening, but he doesn’t. He can’t. He can feel the way his body is prepared, can feel the way his muscles tense in anticipation of movement. The musician is so close to leaving, so close to walking back inside his ship to join his crew for a hand of cards in the kitchen, where he can ignore all the confusion and frustration that seeing Hawkins injured and in pain. The muscles in Apoo's legs continue to twitch, going from more to less to more tense and back again within a teaspoon of seconds. He wants to leave, but also doesn't. Wants to forget that he's ever seen this, but also wants to make sure it's resolved, so long as it can be resolved.

Back and forth, Apoo's mind swings, between the two options. Should he help, should he not? Should he stay or should he leave Hawkins to his own internal turmoil? Apoo can't decide, and it's his indecision that causes him to stay in place for long enough to hear Hawkins' next words.

"Damn it all," Hawkins' voice, a sound like a tree groaning as it falls to the ground, breaks the silence of the night, "And damn that man." There's a rage that's stirring up just under the cover of Hawkins' monotonous tone. The sheer amount of rage that bubbles to the surface before bursting catches Apoo off guard; he's never seen Hawkins this angered before. At the very least, he’s never seen it displayed this openly, with this much plain, simple, raw emotion.

Apoo can't help but wince at the sheer amount of spite he knows Hawkins is feeling towards the On-Air Pirate. It doesn't take a genius to guess who Hawkins means when he says 'that man.' While it’s possible that Hawkins could mean Kaido, Apoo knows that their captain is a less likely target for the Magician’s swearing than Apoo is. Kaido wouldn’t currently be Hawkins’ captain, might not even be a problem of Hawkins’, had it not been for Apoo. 

At the time he had recruited Hawkins for Kaido, Apoo had truly thought that this would be the best course of action for both Hawkins and the Beast Pirates. (Maybe specifically himself, but that’s not the point.) But now, looking at and listening to Hawkins… Apoo is beginning to have doubts in his own plan. 

Again, he hears Hawkins swear, the sound more choked than before, as if all the sheer ire pumping through his veins is too heavy, is weighing his body down and making whatever injuries he has grow worse. Apoo feels his own body tense at the sound, and he isn’t sure how to react, nor does he know how he  _ wants _ to react. Dammit, this whole situation is frustrating! Apoo lets out an annoyed huff as he crosses his arms on the railing, one hand reaching up to tug at loose strands of his hair, a habit he’d yet to kick.

Apparently, the quiet noise is just loud enough to draw Hawkins’ attention from across the distance between their ships. The Magician’s head snaps up and his pained expression twists into an animalistic scowl as his eyes lock onto Apoo’s. A shiver runs down Apoo’s spine at the sheer amount of hatred that he sees in those dark red eyes, and a pang of hurt and guilt bangs around his chest soon after. But he doesn’t shy away from the intimidating gaze, and instead forces a cocky grin onto his face as he gives Hawkins a cheeky wave.

“Scratchmen,” Hawkins rasps as his hand makes to move towards his own side, most likely towards the red-darkened bandages Apoo notices, before the blond cuts the movement short. 

_ ‘Of course,’ _ Apoo thinks to himself with a strange combination of pride and pain in his chest,  _ ‘Hawkins would never show his weaknesses to an enemy. But am I truly an enemy? Ha. What a stupid question. In his eyes, of course I am.’ _

“Can you hear me, Scratchmen?” Hawkins speaks again in his rough voice, not bothering to raise his voice. He knows Apoo can hear him; the question is more to make sure that Apoo is paying attention than anything. It takes an effort to not raise a hand to cradle his injury, fighting the primal instinct to touch the part of his body that hurts in order to make it stop hurting. But, as tempting as it is to put pressure on the sewn-up gash in his side, he refuses to show weakness in front of Apoo. Not to mention, he doesn’t want to ruin his new set of stitches and reopen the wound. 

Apoo can’t do anything but nod in response, swallowing around the lump of dry straw in his throat. He knows Hawkins’ eyes, sharp and keen as a bird’s, will pick up the action. He doesn’t move, feeling like a deer caught in the sights of a lion; some part of his mind tells him staying still will prevent any harm from coming to him, though Apoo knows that wouldn’t be the case in actuality. But, at the same time, he knows that Hawkins isn’t going to attack him and risk drawing Kaido’s fury to himself.

Hawkins grimaces as he responds with a rough, “Good. Now listen close, Scratchmen, because I’m not going to repeat myself.” In a movement lacking any and all of Hawkins’ usual grace, he pushes himself to his feet. He stumbles forward - and for a moment, Apoo thinks he might fall back to his knees - before he regains his footing and pulls himself upright. He doesn’t stand as straight as usually does because he doesn’t want to put a strain on his side and risk pulling on the not-yet-healed flesh. 

With uneven footsteps that have a disturbing lack of rhythm, Hawkins walks towards the railing closest to Apoo’s ship. The walk takes him longer than it should, but Apoo knows better than to mention the prominent limp in Hawkins’ right leg or the way blood is beginning to seep through his pants. Hawkins leans on the railing, though he tries to not make it too obvious. Still, it’s clear to both of them that Hawkins is not in a good state, and could easily be taken out without more than a small fight. Still, he has enough rage and indignance and sheer  _ spite _ to pull his mouth into a scowl as he says, “I do not know why you brought me here, nor why I am kept on this crew. At this point, I do not know why I chose this option over death.” Hawkins has to pause to draw in another ragged breath that sounds as painful as broken glass in his lungs before he continues. “But I do know one thing for certain; if I ever find even the slightest chance to get revenge against you, you should be sure that I will take it. And it will not be something you will recover from lightly. Be warned, as you will not have a way to be prepared for the hell I shall bring upon you.”

And with those final words, Hawkins turns around and trudges back inside his ship, leaving Apoo staring at his back.

Apoo is silent for a few minutes before a breathless, awestruck laugh works its way from his throat. His mind and heart are a mess of emotions, all ranging from fear to pride to admiration and so much more, so much farther and deeper. But Apoo isn’t willing to think about those feelings yet. Right now, he wants to go think about what this possible revenge could be. He can’t even pretend that he’s not excited to know what Hawkins has planned for him. Apoo is sure it will be something wonderful and brilliant and utterly painful, just how Apoo knew he would be when he first started seeking him out, and just how Apoo has seen him become even more as they’ve worked together. Apoo may be a bit confused on his feelings, but Hawkins sure as all hell isn’t, and that makes everything all that much more fun.


End file.
